Lean On Me
by shortie990
Summary: Penny needed her best friend to lean on after the break up but what if that person was the guy, she broke up with?
1. Part: One

Do Not own The Big Bang Theory or any of the characters.

Hi again. So here is another story that I couldn't quite get out of my head and just had to write it down. I also got the idea well watching an old episode of Gilmore Girls (so I don't own that too, so please don't sue for borrowing this idea.) If you are not a fan of Gilmore Girls, you don't have to worry about being lost.

Takes place after, that dreadful episode, **The Wheaton Recurrence**. Penny needed her best friend to lean on after the break up but what if that person was the guy, she broke up with?

Oh and sorry for it being so long, I didn't expect it to be.

Anyways, Enjoy!

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Lean On Me

_She needed her best friend..._

_I love you_

His words echoed inside of her head like a church bell. Her thoughts immediately filling with the events of that night he had whispered those words into her ear. They had been happy. She had been happy. Everything was perfect. But then he had spoken those three words so sweetly; his brown eyes blazing with devotion as he smiled warmly at her waiting for her to repeat them back. She had froze on the spot, the smile fading on her lips as she just stared at him like a deer in headlights. She had wanted to say them back...so badly. However, those words had always been the factor to end any relationship she had in the past. She didn't want this one to end like those ones. She wanted this to be the one that lasted. So she had decided not to say them back, letting them remain lodged in her throat as she had clamp her lips shut and just smiled. Quickly making an excuse before turning onto her side and pretending to sleep; not letting him see her cry.

Penny sat on the curve of the sidewalk, just outside of the bowling alley. Tears were streaming down her face but she took no notice of them. Her heart was beating loudly against her chest cavity as she tried to catch her breath and think. She had not planned on running out like that in the middle of the game but there was too much tension, too much pressure. She couldn't have taken it anymore. She had needed to get out of there.

"Oh balls," Penny whispered to herself, burying her face into her hands as a fresh batch of tears escaped from her eyes. What had she done? She had ruined everything between her and Leonard. Things had been going well with them, extremely well and then he had to go and drop the L bomb. Penny felt like everything was on her shoulders to save this relationship. She knew that Leonard would want to be with her, even if she didn't feel the same way he did yet. But then she couldn't get what Will Wheaton had told her out of her head. She didn't want to drag Leonard along like Wheaton had suggested she was doing. Leonard deserved better than that. So she had ended it; in an extremely crappie way, but was there really a good way to break up with someone? She thought to herself as she remembered saying "I'm Sorry Leonard!" before running out of the bowling alley, leaving all her things behind. She felt like a failure as she sat on the curve of the sideway still wearing the rented bowling shoes, her make-up ruined, her eyes red and bloodshot while her heart broke fraction by fraction.

The door s to the bowling alley opened, the sounds of laughter and music from inside spilled out onto the sideway as a group of people stepped out only a foot away from where Penny sat. However, she took no notice really of them as she was still thinking about Leonard.

Wiping the tears away, Penny brushed her hands on the sides of her jeans; letting out a deep breath. She didn't know where to go from here. She had driven here with Leonard and the guys. And she didn't have the guts to go back inside to grab her purse and Ugg boots that she had left, having to face them, having to face him.

Sighing, she rose to her feet. Figuring it was time to face the music, Penny began the long walk home.

xxx

As Penny climbed up the last set of stairs that lead to the fourth floor, she felt like she had been through the ringer both emotionally and physically. The walk had been longer than expected and it didn't help matters that it had started to rain. She was soaked through from head to toe as she made her way to her apartment.

Reaching into the back pocket of her jeans, she pulled out her key; that was the one thing she had on her. Quickly, unlocking her front door, she stepped inside and turned on the light. She stood there for a good moment taking in the surroundings of the apartment. She hadn't been gone long but it didn't matter. So much had changed since Leonard had knocked on her door earlier that night and she had greeted him with a kiss; trying to make up for the guilt she had been feeling. But now it did not matter. Tears immediately filled her green eyes but she quickly blinked them away as she placed the key onto the end table by the door and walked across the messy apartment towards the kitchen.

Opening up the fridge, she pulled out a bottle of red wine and placed it on the kitchen island before turning towards the cupboards. After retrieving a somewhat clean glass, Penny grabbed the bottle by the neck with her free hand as she made her way towards the bedroom. She was only in there for a second before entering the attaching bathroom. Closing the door behind her with the back of her foot, Penny placed both the bottle and glass on the floor before beginning to run the bath. Throwing in some of her favourite bath salts and bubble bath, the room started to fill with the scent of lavender. Taking a seat on the edge of the tub, Penny began to untie the bowling shoes, kicking them off before taking off the rest of her soaked clothing.

Leaving her clothes and shoes in the middle of the floor, Penny leaned over the tub to turn off the water; before stepping in the steaming bath water. A deep sigh escaped from the back of her throat as she just lay there letting the water wash over her, easing her aching body. She then poured herself a glass of wine, watching as a deep plum red liquid flowed into the glass. Once it was half full, Penny placed the bottle back down onto the bathroom floor as she raised the rim of the filled glass now to her lips and took a sip of the bitter liquid. Her mouth seemed to burst as the texture of the wine ran down her throat. It immediately made her cheeks flush with warmness. She took another small sip of the wine before resting it on the floor beside the bottle, letting her body sink deeper into the hot water. As she closed her eyes, two tears slid down her cheeks as a realization came over her. She would probably never see Leonard again.

He probably hated her guts now, she thought to herself. And who wouldn't? She had completely humiliated him in front of his friends and everyone else at the bowling alley. She had literally taken his heart that he had given her since day one and broken it into a million of pieces. She was a shitty person and a shitty friend. That had been one of things she had hesitated about when starting a relationship with him; their friendship. Over the two years, she and Leonard had become really good friends to one another. And she hadn't wanted to jeopardize that by jumping into a relationship with him but her feelings had grown for Leonard and there wasn't any turning back from them when she had kissed him in the hallway, 7 months ago.

But now as she sat in her tub crying, she realized that she had not only lost the first good man in her life. But that she had also lost her best friend. That's what made this thing ten times worse…

Her shoulders began to shake as controllable sobs came over her at this. Tears fell like waterfalls down her cheeks as she sobbed into her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees in the bath. Penny had never felt so alone in her life before until this moment; even compared to the time that she had first moved to California from Nebraska just fresh out of high school.

xxx

Penny stepped out of the now lukewarm water of the bath and reached for the towel that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Wrapping it around her shoulders, she took a seat on the edge of the tub, listening as the water drained. Reaching down, her fingers came into contact with the cool glass of the wine bottle. Wrapping her fingers around the neck of it, Penny brought the bottle up to her lips and drank until she couldn't drink anymore, until she needed air. Bringing the bottle away from her mouth; a coughing fit came over her as she fought for air as she choked on the bitter liquid as it ran down her throat. Wiping her mouth, with the back of her hand, her eyes looked around the bathroom. She wasn't looking for anything specific until her eyes fell onto the bottle of shaving cream resting on the bathroom sink beside the soap. It belonged to him. And just beside her pink toothbrush in the holder was his green one. And resting on the edge of the sink was his little black comb that he used to brush back his curly hair after having a shower.

She soon then realized that the whole room was filled with little reminders of Leonard. In the laundry basket that lay on the floor across from where she sat, was one of his many graphic t-shirts. He had spilled wine on it the other night and Penny had told him to leave here, saying she would wash it for him.

Sobbing quietly to herself, she bit down on her lower lip as she shook her head from side to side as if to shake the memory of him away. Suddenly rising to her feet, wine bottle in hand, she made her way into the bedroom. She tried not to focus on anything particular as she moved about the room, trying to find a fresh pair of cloths to put on; she was afraid that she would see reminders of him here too. After changing into a tiny baby pink T that barely covered her midriff and a pair of red shorts that had Hello Kitty printed over them, she turned to look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was frizzy and damp from the rain and clung in clutters to her neck. Roughly brushing a brush through it, she tied it up into a ponytail before reaching for the bottle of wine again and taking a swig from it.

A deep sigh escaped from the back of her throat as she moved back into the living room. Tears immediately filled her eyes as she stood in the threshold of her bedroom looking out onto the state of her apartment. It was a mess like usual but she looked passed that and only focused on the items that either belonged to Leonard or reminded her of him; the Superwoman comic book he had bought for her last Wednesday on 'New Comic Book ' day, the coffee mug that was made of Dark Vader's face, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King special extended edition DVD box set, another one of his graphic t-shirts, the list went on and on. Sinking into the middle of her couch, she pressed the bottle of wine to her mouth as she flicked on the TV with the remote. She sat there for a few moments flicking through the channels and drinking deeply from the bottle until she heard the sound of footsteps within the hallway. They were home.

Muting the TV, Penny froze as she turned her attention towards the front door. Her heart beated like a jackhammer as she listened to the movement in the hallway, waiting to hear footsteps approaching. However, all she heard was the murmur of voices followed by the opening and closing of the door across the hallway. A wave of pain and rage coursed through her body as this. She was sure that Leonard would have come over to give her her things that she had left behind and to talk about what had happened. It hurt that he didn't seem to want to come over and discuss what had happened. Maybe, he didn't think she was home. She thought about going over there but quickly decided against it. She didn't have the energy or strength to see him at the moment she realized. Seeing him, would just make her heart break all over again. Looking into those puppy dog eyes of his would make her feel even shittier about herself then she already did at the moment. Curling up into a ball on the bright blue couch, Penny unmutted the TV and continued to drink from the wine bottle like a baby. She wasn't quite sure what she was watching, it was a black and white film of some sorts but that was all she knew. As she watched the couple on screen kiss as the sunset behind them, hot tears that she was unaware of rolled down her cheeks and into the nape of her neck.

It was moments like this that she wished that she had her best friend with her, telling her everything would be alright; just like that time over a year ago, when she had just broken up with that jerk, who had blogged about their sex life. After returning back to her apartment from being humiliated when she had crawled back to him, to find out that he was already sleeping with some slut not even an hour after they had broken up; Leonard had come over and watched old movies with her, rubbing her back telling her it would be alright. And it had been because he then had asked her out for the first time and she had said yes. She wished that he was here now doing the exact same thing like every time she got her heart broken by some jerk in the past. He was always there for her to lean on.

He was her best friend...She needed her best friend...

xxx

Penny's eyes fluttered open at the sound of someone knocking on her front door. She grunted as she tried to sit up but failed as the room began spin before her eyes. Her head felt like it was being weighted down by a 200 pound man. Her temples and the back of her neck ached terribly with pain. It was nauseating. Resting her head back down on the couch, she prayed that whoever was at the door would soon go away, leaving her to sleep. However, the knocking continued.

Moaning, Penny slowly sat up, holding onto the back of the couch for support as she rose to her feet. She felt exhausted; every bone in her body seemed to ache and protest as she moved towards the door. She couldn't remember how much she had ended up drinking last night but she assumed it was probably quite a lot. She hadn't felt this hung over and crappy before since her break up with Kurt.

Reaching out and opening the door, Penny rested her forehead against the frame of it, closing her eyes slightly before looking to see who it was.

"Leonard," she whispered in a horsed voice as her green eyes focused on his face and the events of last night came to her.

"You left these at the bowling alley...I thought you would want them back..." his voice trailed off as he looked away from her face and down at the items he held in his hands.

Penny's eyes followed his glaze; he held her treasured purple Ugg boots and purse. A slight smile appeared on her face at this. Even after she had broken his heart, he was still being kind to her. Leonard could have easily thrown away her things or left them at the bowling alley like many other people would had after what she had done. But no, he made sure that they were safely returned to her. Tears immediately filled her eyes as she continued to stare at her things. She was a jerk, she thought to herself.

"Thank you," she whispered after an awkward silence had passed between them. She hesitated slightly as she reached out to take the objects from Leonard, who was still avoiding eye contact with her. She wrapped her arms protectively over them, hugging them to her chest like a teddy bear.

"I just wanted to make sure, they got back to you safely," shrugged Leonard as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and briefly looked up at her. His brown eyes were filled with hurt and sadness, she noted as she stared back at him.

"Well, I should be going..." he spoke after a moment, tearing his eyes away from Penny once again and looking on at his feet.

"Leonard," whispered Penny softly as she shifted her purse and boots to her left side before reaching out and touching Leonard's wrist with her right hand; sending a wave of electricity through their bodies. Leonard suddenly looked up at this, a look of confusion written on his face.

"Can we talk?" she asked, titling her head to the side, her green eyes pleading with his. She needed to talk to him about what had happened last night. She needed to make things right between them. She needed Leonard to forgive her.

Leonard awkwardly appeared over his shoulders looking to his own apartment door before returning his gaze back onto her face. He could never say no to her, no matter how hard he tried. He then slowly nodded his head in reply.

Stepping back, Penny held the door open allowing Leonard to enter. The physicist was biting down on his lower lip as he slowly stepped over the threshold and into the familiar messy apartment. He stood awkwardly off to the side, watching as she closed the front door and placed her purse and boots down on the floor. He wasn't sure were to go from here. Penny's apartment had always been a welcoming place to him but now...he didn't know where he belonged in it, in a way he felt like Sheldon.

Perching her lips, Penny walked over to the couch and took a seat. Her green eyes looked over at Leonard as she patted the empty spot next to her. She watched as he nervously ran his hands through his mop of hair before walking over to the couch. He didn't sit right next to her but not so far away either, like she had thought he would.

They then both sat in an awkward silence for a good moment or two, both staring down at their feet. Penny didn't really know why she had asked Leonard in or why he had said yes for that matter. If the tables had been reversed and she had been the one who had been dumped, she wouldn't had wanted to talk. She would be furious. However Leonard was not like that. He always seemed to see the best in everyone; even if they were the world's biggest jerk to him.

"Penny," whispered Leonard as he raised his head and focused on her face, breaking the silence.

"No, Leonard, let me talk," interrupted Penny, softly but firm at the same time. She reached out and touched his arm before pulling away quickly. She needed to get this out before she lost the courage to do so.

"Oh...okay," murmured Leonard, his brown eyes looking down at where she had just touched him and then back up to her face. He was all ears now.

"I'm sorry," she began, her voice shaking a little. "I didn't mean to hurt you like I did, Leonard.

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Okay, there is a part two to this story. Thanks for reading and please review, telling me if you liked or not!

Julie


	2. Part: Two

Do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of the characters.

Thanks for all that have reviewed and read the first chapter! Here is the 2nd part too it. I wrote this while listening to the new Adele CD.

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"I'm sorry," she began, her voice shaking a little. "I didn't mean to hurt you like I did, Leonard." Her green eyes poured in his as she spoke. Her hands were shaking, making the silver bracelet on her wrist jingle. She then clamped her hands together and placed them in her lap. She clicked her tongue softly before continuing on. "I didn't mean to humiliate you like I did last night. I didn't attend on running out on you. It just became too much for me. Being in that room. There was too much pressure. I know you wanted me to say...to say those three words back to you. And you still do. But I'm not ready to Leonard. I'm sorry," her voice trailed off as this as she looked away from Leonard. Tears were pouring down her cheeks. She didn't want Leonard to see her like this.

Leonard looked on at Penny with a mixture of sadness and hurt in his eyes. He was not mad at her for not saying 'I love you' back. He was more saddened by the fact that she couldn't. That she wasn't ready to love him like he already did for her. He hadn't meant to pressure Penny like she felt. He was just hurt that they didn't share the same feelings for one another like he had thought. It seemed like no one ever loved him enough. Not his mother or father or his siblings. In all of his relationships in life, he was the lover, not the love-y.

Tears slid down his cheeks as he slowly reached out and took one of her hands. It always surprised him how well their hands fit together. They were both about the same size. It always amazed him as he looked down at their fingers intertwined with one another. He squeezed her hand gently before whispering her name, "Penny..."

She turned around and looked at him at this. "No, don't say it," she spoke, silencing him once again. She didn't want to hear how he still loved her. That it didn't matter. Because it did. Even if he looked into her eyes and told her that it didn't matter if she didn't love him just yet. That he loved her enough for the both of them. It wouldn't matter, because she would be able to see that he was lying. It did matter. Maybe not at this moment, but it would soon. Making Penny even more pressured to say those words that she knew Leonard wanted to hear. She wasn't ready. It was all too much.

Looking away from Leonard, she dropped her gaze onto her bare feet. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice breaking with emotion.

Leonard sat there for a moment, still holding her hand before reaching out and pulling her to him. His arms wrapped around her body as she rested her cheek against his chest, letting her tears soak into his shirt. He kissed the top of her head as his own tears fell down his cheeks and into her hair.

The two lovers stayed like this for a good moment or two, not breaking apart from the embrace on the couch.

"I shouldn't have invited you in," whispered Penny as she lifted her head and pulled away from Leonard, brushing the tears away from her eyes.

Leonard looked up at her with confusion, his eyebrows knitted together. He didn't understand why she had just said that. "Why not?" he asked, hurt.

"Because..." she began to explain, taking a deep breath. "Because, I thought...I thought it would be like old times. That you would come over here like my friend and not my boyfriend," she whispered as she nervously played with a loose strain of hair, twisting it in between her fingers.

"I have just broken up with the best man I have ever known. And I been feeling shitty and needed my best friend. You are my best friend, Leonard," she whispered sadly, looking up and meeting his eye. "And I need my best friend to lean on. But I was wrong. I shouldn't have invited you in. Thinking that things would be different. That it wouldn't hurt so much, seeing you. But it does. Talking to you hurts. Seeing you so broken, hurts. And knowing it's because of me, that just make it ten times worse. I am an awful person. I'm a selfish person who doesn't think about anybody but herself. I should have known better then to invite you here, thinking that you would want to talk. I should have known that I am probably the last person you want to speak to right now. You probably never want to see my face again. But I didn't think about that. I just thought about myself and my own broken heart. "She shook her head at this before suddenly raising to her feet.

She couldn't look at him. She couldn't dare to look into those brown eyes of his and see companion and love for her there. She knew that Leonard loved her. And would no matter how hard he tried, would never be mad at her. He would always be there for her. She hated that even after what she had done to him, that she was still taking advantage of his loyalty towards her. It would make her feel better if he yelled at her. Thrown things and object at her like she deserved. Instead of sitting on her couch, and listening to her. Looking up at her with concern. She wanted him to treat her like she deserved to be treated, like trash.

Rage then all the sudden bubbled within her. She was suddenly mad at Leonard for not acting like he should be.

"Why aren't you yelling at me?" she asked, suddenly turning on her heel and appearing down at him.

Leonard looked up at her puzzled at this.

"Why aren't you telling me how shitty I am? How I destroyed you, how I broke your heart that you offered to me with opened arms? How I don't deserve to be loved? That you never want to see my face again! That I hurt you like you thought I would never do too you! Uh? Why aren't you yelling at me?" she cried at him in a fit of rage. Hot tears rolling down her face as she stared at him. Waiting for him to explode.

However, he didn't react like she wanted him too. He was silent for a moment, studying her saddened face. Pondering what she had just told him. Would yelling and screaming at her really help? No, it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change how he felt about her. Or make her suddenly love him. Shaking his head slowly, he spoke, "Because I love you."

Penny watched as he rose to his feet. "I won't yell at you and tell you, you are trash and I wish I never met you, because that would be a lie Penny. I still love you," he whispered sadly, "Nothing can change that. I still love you. No matter how hard I try to convince myself...I cannot change how I feel. Yelling at you, will not change matters between us. It will just make you feel better but it won't make me. I could never stand here and tell you that I wish I never met you that I wish you were dead. Because if you were dead, I would be even more broken then I am now. "

"You are my best friend too," he added as he locked eyes with her. "And like you, I need my best friend. I need my best friend to lean on and tell me everything is going to be alright. To listen to my broken heart." He then enclosed the space between them before wrapping his arms around her body once again. Penny hugged him back, resting her chin on his shoulder.

The two of them stood there for the longest time, holding one another as they cried, comforting each other like friends do.

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Thanks so much for reading, please review!

Julie


	3. Part: Three

Do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of the characters.

I know its been a while since I updated this story, just never really figured out how to end it. I was rereading the first chapter when the episode The Wheaton Recurrence came on the TV and it inspired me to finish this story. This is the last chapter. This is mostly from Leonard's point of view.

Enjoy!

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Leonard's eyes slowly opened and took in his surroundings. He wasn't really sure of where he was as he sat up in a daze. It didn't take him long to figure out that he was in Penny's apartment still. Taking his glasses off and rubbing the sleep away from his eyes, he thought back to his and Penny's talk that they had had earlier.

After it seemed like they had talked for hours on end about nothing really, anything other than the break up, Leonard remembered they had put on a movie. He didn't remember what one it was. He had watched Penny the whole time. Her face was animated whenever it came to watching TV or a movie, he found. She would put her whole self into it; laughing loudly at the funny parts, crying at the sad, screaming at a surprising part and so on. He could just watch her for hours. She was much more entertaining to watch then any TV show or movie that was on the screen. Putting his glasses back on, he glanced over his shoulder at Penny; who was fast asleep still, her body pressed up against the back of the couch. They had both fallen asleep shortly after the movie had finished.

Leonard couldn't help but smile at the sight of her. He couldn't get over how beautiful she was to him, even when she was asleep. The smile quickly faded into a frown as a sudden thought popped into his head. That this would probably the last time he would get to see Penny like this, asleep.

They were broken up now. No longer lovers. No longer soul mates. Just friends. Best friend but still just friends.

He hadn't wanted it to end like this. He had always envisioned them getting married and having beautiful, smart babies together. But now he knew that it wouldn't be happening. She did not feel the same way that he did. He didn't want to have to settle but he knew it would be better then losing her all together from his life. He knew it would be painful seeing around the apartment on Halo night and other nights when the gang was hanging out together. That he wouldn't be able to hold her hand while watching Star Trek or kissing her during commercial breaks. That things would go back to being how it was before hand, awkward. How could things not be after the eight months they had been together as a couple?

But he was willing to try to get over the awkwardness and shyness that would appear between them. It was better then losing her all together. She was still one of his closets friends. His best friend despite what Sheldon would say. She was his best friend. He didn't have many friends in is life to begin with. He couldn't face losing one. So they agreed to be friends.

Leaning down, he kissed her softly on the cheek, "Goodbye Penny!" He whispered, looking down at her sleeping face once more before quietly leaving the apartment. He knew he should never tell some one goodbye but in this case he didn't know when he would be seeing her again. They had agreed to be friends but he assumed that they wouldn't be hanging out any time soon. He could feel tears welding in his eyes. But forced himself not to cry until he was in the privacy of his own bedroom.

xxx

Opening his own apartment door, he stood in the doorframe for a moment before entering. He was glade to see that Sheldon was not home. He had mentioned earlier to him that morning that he would be heading down to the comic book store with Howard and Raj. Leonard couldn't remember that well the conversation that the two roommates had had. The morning seemed so long ago now as he threw his keys into the bowl and shut the front door. Not bothering to take off his shoes, he walked through the apartment to his bedroom.

Even know he didn't have to worry about being interrupted, he still shut the door firmly behind him before he threw himself face down onto the surface of the bed. He didn't not bother taking off his glasses as he pressed his face into the mattress, letting his tears fall.

He had been heart broken before. But nothing like this. His heart felt like someone had squeezed it in between their fingers before letting it crumble to dust.

"AGAHHH!" he screamed out in frustration as he turned his head and pounded his fist against the mattress.

After Penny had left the bowling Alley, he had bowled terribly, costing the guys the bowling tournament. But he hadn't really cared that much about it to begin with. Sheldon had been the only one really determined to beat his enemy Will Wheaton. All he could think of was Penny. He had wished now that he had gone after her, and not let her run away like she had. He thought how things might have been different if he had. That they would had made up and be together still. However, he had let her go. Letting himself be a coward in away. He had thought about going to her apartment earlier last night, when they had arrived home. But he knew she wouldn't have let him in. That what was done was done. When Penny had invited him in this morning, he had thought that maybe, just maybe she had changed her mind. And that she was ready to love him like he loved her. But that had not been the case.

And now he was once again alone. He wondered as he lay there on his bed, that he would ever win in this game called loved. That for once he would get it right and find someone who cared about him the way he did about them. That he would finally be the guy worth fighting for. Instead of being just the friend.

* * *

Okay, I know it was short. I hoped you enjoyed reading though. Reviews are always welcome, good or bad!

Thanks,

Julie


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